Teddy Bears
by Pirika Tao
Summary: [OneShot] Tell the person that you love that you love himher for it's now or never... [Ren X Pirika]


**Teddy Bears**

**Disclaimer: Shaman King is not mine**

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Ren Tao. I always thought of him as an ignorant, boastful, self-centered person until, last year when we went to a trip to Hontou Amusement park. I found that I fell for him.

Before that trip was over, my friends who knew of my feelings for him, encouraged me to confess to him. He only stared at me with his steely eyes. After many sermons from his pals, he reluctantly dated me. And soon, he forced himself to be my boyfriend. He only did that out of pity. I knew.

I always concentrated on him only, but it seemed like I'm the only one who cared. He was the only one for me but I couldn't feel that he feels the same way. I never heard him say that he loved me. I never saw it in his eyes nor felt it when we're together. I never did. I don't know what's going on inside his head, he never told me anything. We don't have any anniversaries either. Maybe to him, I'm just another girl.

"Ren, do you want to watch a movie?" I asked, hope evident in my voice.

"I can't, Pirika." was his bland reply.

"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointed.

"No, I'm going to meet a girl."

He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. He didn't say anything since the first day we became lovers and it continued for a hundred days… two hundred days. Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a cute teddy bear, without fail. I don't know why.

Then one day…

"Umm… Ren, I…"

"What? Don't drag, just say it."

"I… love you."

He only stared at me for a moment before shrugging. He reached into his backpack and gave me another teddy bear. "You… just take this and go home."

That was how he ignored my three words. Then, he disappeared, like he was running away. The bears I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many. Some of different colors, if not, different styles of bows, each one was unique.

Then one day came, my 17th birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon, the sky was dark. He still didn't call. It was already tiring to look at the phone. Then around 2 A.M in the morning, he suddenly called and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Even though I was still sleepy, I felt glad and happily ran out of the house.

"Ren?"

"Here, take this." Again, he gave me another teddy bear.

"What's this?"

"I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I'm giving it to you now. Duh?--I'm going home now, bye."

"Wait!"

He stopped a few meters from me.

"Do you know what today is?"

"Today? Monday."

I felt so sad; I thought he would remember my birthday. I remembered his. June 21. Why can't he do the same thing for me? He turned around and walked away like nothing happened. The breeze, slightly danced through his dark hair.

"Wait…" I shouted.

"You have something to say?"

"Tell me, Ren, tell me…you love me…"

"What!"

"Tell me."

I put my pathetic self behind him and clung on to him.

"I don't want to say… that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, find someone else." His spoke dryly and turned to leave. My legs felt numb and I collapsed upon the ground. He didn't want to say it easily? How could he… At that point, I began to doubt. Is he really the right guy for me?

After that day, I trapped myself at home crying, just crying. He didn't even bothered calling me, although I waited. He just continued handing me a teddy bear every morning outside my house. That's how those bears piled up my room… everyday.

After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that I saw him on a street with another girl. He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me as he clutched a teddy bear. I ran straight back home and stared at the bears in my room, tears streamed down my cheeks. Why did he give these to me? Some other girls probably pick out those bears. After all, he's a campus crush, what more could I expect?

In a feat of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was he.

He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to keep my cool and walked to the bus stop. I kept on reminding myself to forget him that it was going to end. Then he came into view, clutching a big teddy bear behind him. Somehow, trying to hide it.

"Pirika…" a gentle smile evident upon his handsome face. "I thought you were angry, you really came?"

I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing happened. Soon, he held out the bear, as usual.

"I don't need it."

"What?… Why?…"

I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.

"I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore! I don't want to see a person like you again! You ignorant, self-centered, anti-social, don't care, cold, person!" I blurted out all the words that were kept inside me for a long time. But unlike the other days, his blue-gray eyes were shaking.

"I… I'm sorry." He apologized in a not-so-cold voice. He was trembling a bit. In fact, his voice sounded tiny, warm and gentle. He then walked over to the road to pick up the teddy bear.

"You Ignorant person! Why are you picking up that stupid doll! Throw it away!"

He ignored me and just went to pick up the doll. Then…

HONK! HONK!

With a loud tootle, a big truck was heading towards him.

"Ren! Move! Move away!" I shouted.

But he didn't hear me; he squatted down and picked up the doll.

"Ren, Move!"

HONK!

BOOM!

That sound… it was so terrifying.

That's how he went away from me.

That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.

S-P-A-C-E-

After that day, I had to go through everyday with guilt and sadness from losing someone. And after spending two months like a lunatic… I took out the teddy bears.

Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love.

"One… two… three…"

"Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty five."

It all ended with 485 dolls.

I started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…

"I love you…"

I dropped the doll, shocked.

"I… lo… ve… you?"

I picked up the doll again and pressed its stomach.

"I love you…"

It can't be! I pressed all the teddy bears' stomach as it piled on the side.

"I love you…"

"I love you…"

"I love you…"

Those words came out non-stop. I… love you… Why didn't I realize that… that his heart was always by my side, protecting me? Why didn't I realize that he loved me this much? I took out the biggest teddy bear-the last doll he gave me before he passed away. The one that I threw away. It had his bloodstain on it. The voice came out… it was his voice. His composed and cool voice.

"Pirika, do you know what today is? We've been together for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't say I love you… since… I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die. Pirika, I love you…"

Tears came flowing endlessly out of me. Why? I asked god, why do I only know about this now? He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute.

For that… and for that reason…. To me… it became courage. Courage and determination to get on with my life. Just as Ren want it to be.

The End


End file.
